Thanks

I remember last year on Thanksgiving, I was sitting at a Cracker Barrel enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner outside of home for the first time since forever. I was working as an EMT and was on shift, my company gave us all a voucher for a free meal. I was far behind the growth level I am at now emotionally, so I was just over reacting about everything. I was sad and depressed to be eating alone (even though I was not alone) and away from my family and from my fiancée. (Even though I was given the blessing of a free meal under a roof). I gave thanks that year for nothing. I can’t remember giving thanks for anything, I was so caught up in everything that was wrong in my life that I was blinded by any good. I complained about the food, about being away from home and I complained about being served food that I normally wouldn’t eat. (because back then, I was still afraid of trying new things). I look back at that Thanksgiving and not regret it nor look it at in a negative light, I just look back and just see the growth. There is such growth since Thanksgiving of 2011. I can’t hold the negative parts of my life over my shoulders and regret everything. I can’t carry around the times I wasn’t at my best on my neck and let them just weigh me down. I was at a different stage in my life, I wasn’t ready to grow or to accept change in the way I needed to, to grow and blossom. So for Thanksgiving 2012, I see things in such another perspective.
This Thanksgiving I give thanks to myself and for myself. I thank myself for being alive, for breathing and for my laughs. I thank myself for smiling and for these little smile wrinkles I am developing. I am thankful for a family that has, in their own ways, always been there for me. I am thankful for finding the strength that was inside of me all along to mature and grow. I am thankful for finding the love of my life and having her support me even when I was at my worst. I am thankful that she stands beside me, not in front of me leading me and not behind me following me. She is beside me, even and equal in everything we do. I am thankful for a roof over my head and food in my belly. I am thankful for this journey of a lifetime that I am about to embark on in 16 days or so. I get to see life in ways I never though to be imagined. I get to trust in random strangers and get to believe in the strength inside of me that will continue to flourish. I get to fill the earth with beauty with my own two hands. I am thankful. I can say that I am thankful in general and for everything that surrounds me. I am thankful for the air that fills my lungs and the light in the sky.
This Thanksgiving Jessica will be at home, by her self. And by herself is by far the wrong word choice, because she is choosing today to celebrate herself, and get in touch with herself. She is giving thanks to life and the beauty of life by spending some quality one on one time with herself. I respect her so much for that, because we do indeed all need time to bask in our own happiness and life and be thankful for it. She will also be bringing some food she is cooking to some of the residents she knows at the community we live at, and she works at. Some residents that are older and do not have anyone, and I respect that hugely.
Happy holidays to everyone who does celebrate today, and happy blessed day for everyone who doesn’t celebrate it.

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